If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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