Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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