Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
