The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
