Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
