I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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