Those balls look pretty dangerous.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
