I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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