woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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