girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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