Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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