Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
