Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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