new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my poor anus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
