I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
