Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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