I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
