my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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