Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
