His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
