We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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