whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
