ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
