all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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