My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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