It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
