I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
