you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
