I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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