So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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