i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
