if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
50% drunk capacity currently
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
