1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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