If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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