He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
