ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
