We named our party play list daddy issues
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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