I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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