I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's blow job season.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
