i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
