i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am one with the molecules
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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