There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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