You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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