the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
