At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
