we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Let's paint friendship bongs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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