Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
MIDGETS
????
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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