You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
