alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
