well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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