North Korea, Best Korea!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
