On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
