so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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