You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
