Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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