I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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