i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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