you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize