Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
