Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
