Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
